(Not) A Wonder Woman

For most people, even the next ones, I always come up as the strong girl, who can go through anything.  Maybe it's because of my strong willed & stubborn character. I can handle every situation, no matter how hard it is. I can always survive without any bruises.

Sometimes I wonder, if being "strong" somehow could be a curse for myself.

And sometimes I feel, people can do whatever they like with me because they thought I am strong enough to accept it.

They thought...

For those who really think so, here are some explanation for you:

No, it is not right to let me down over and over again.
And yes, it's upsetting me when you put someone before me over and over again.
No, I am not okay being "alone" with all the things I have to do.
And yes, sometimes I am tired too doing all the things all by myself.
I am independent, I always am. But once in a while, I do need someone, who is there for me, whenever I need him.

If I said nothing, it doesn't mean that it is okay with me. I am only not that kind of person who complains, who put everything in a big drama.

I don't want to be the first priority in your life. But, maybe next time you can ask, how I feel, what I need.

Just please don't take me for granted, because I am not.

"My Mom is My Hero"

Today I have asked my student - an 8th grader young boy - to write an essay about his family. After he finished, I asked him to read it loudly. As he came to the part about his mother, it has fascinated me: He said: My mom is my hero.

It fascinated and touched me at the same time. It fascinated me that a 13 years old boy even says that his mother is his hero. It touched me more because this 13 years old young boy is a kind of boy, who seems not to care about anything. Like mostly other teen boys in his age, he is careless, he has nothing in his mind but skating and dancing. He is clumsy and he likes to tease his little sister. He also sometime makes some problems at school.

My mother is my hero. How many kids can openly say that? How many kids say and mean it truly?

I think deep down inside our heart, we all must admit that our mother really are our first hero. Especially if you are a mother yourself, you would know that being a mother really need a hero quality with super power!

But still, we must also remember that nobody's perfect. Even moms are not perfect. They too sometimes make mistake. They too sometimes have bad days.

As a son/daughter just appreciate your mom, forgive and learn from their mistake. Be proud and love them whatever they do. Remind them if they are forgetting something. Explain if there are missunderstanding.

And if you are a mother, remember that the joy, pain, happiness and all the feeling you feel now are exactly what your mother had with you once... Or still...

Finding Out Friendship

Once, I took every friendship very seriously. For me "good friend" is very important and being with them all the time is a must. I often felt left behind and forgotten, if I miss any event with them. That was in my teenager time.

Later on, friends were being a family. Understandable, if you were all by youself in a foreign country and had to struggle to survive. Friends were the only things you have to hold on, to share and to stand by each other.

Lately, the amount of "good friends" are reduced to some "best friends" I could count with both hand's fingers. They are friends, who really are always be with me, stands by me in my good and bad times, who knows me perfectly better and worse. Them, I can tell anything, talk about everything. Some of them I already knew my whole life, some I've just met. I am always thankful for having them. As one quote says: God sent every of us an angel, and we call them "friend". They are for me: Angels.

Now, the "best friends" are selected as well. It's not that I am forgetting nor leaving them, but as the priority in live has changed, so is the choice of "friends". I now choose friends with benefits only. Benefits means that they are sharing the same purpose in life have the same thoughts and the most important thing: have the same priority. It is now about growing together and be strong together.

Friends to have fun with are nice to have, but friends to have success with is more important to have.

Family Ties

Sometimes, it is cheerless moments that bring family together.

My father in law passed away 10 days ago. Exactly on February 28th 2014 in the age of 80. The family from my husband's site is really is a big family. Moreover, they come from all part of Indonesia. It is a kind of multicultural family they have.

I myself know only a few from them. Mostly only the main family member: brothers, sisters, cousins and in-laws.

My father in law came from Flores, an island in eastern Indonesia, from the city of Manggarai. There are many Manggarai people live in Surabaya. They have a very strong community and bounds. By the memorial and funereal you can see, how strong the "family-boundaries" between the "island-people" are

It amazed me somehow, that this kind of strong relationship still exist. They really help with heart, no string attached.

Here I saw that family is beyond bloodlines. That sometime you could find the "real family" outside the lines.

To Love Correctly

Everytime I have a new student, I always feel like I was at my first day at school: excited, a bit nervous and kind of afraid.

New student means new challenge. And the challenge comes not only from the student itself but mostly also from the parents.

Some parents think, that hiring a tutor/private teacher means giving up the responsibility as well. Some parents don't even bother to have a short look in the kid's school book or schedule. But as soon as the kids failed, there is someone else to blame: the (private) teacher.

Other parents just admire their kids too much - and in a wrong way of admiring. The kids are always right. Whatever they say or do, it is the command.

You should love your kids, not spoiling them. Loving them correctly means you have to let them swallow the bitter pills, if they have to, to make them better. Nobody is getting healthy only from sweets and candies. If we're not starting early with the rules, when should it be? If it's already too late?

A Letter for Granny

Dear Granny,

It is already 100 day since you passed away last November. Time flew but the memory of you stays.

You were my strong granny, my naggy granny, my "pride" granny. But in the first place, you were strong, you were independent. I remembered the way you drove, how you ran the house, how you managed the "kost-kostan" business back then.

From you I learnt how to bake, how to cook. From you I learnt how to read, how to love books and how important languages are. From you, I think I also got my strong-will, stuborn charactere.

Today, I still can see you sitting on your chair on the dining table, munching on your favorite cookies. I still can see you walking through the house, closing all the doors or looking for us, your grandchildren.

Today, I still feel sorry, I had not the chance to tell you enough that I do really love you, admire you. I still feel sorry, that we both are so stuborn, that we almost had fight anytime we met.

And I still feel sorry, for that I know you were lonely... You never had the chance to see all your grandchildren together, your grand-grandchildren. I am sure that even you never admitted it or said a word about it, you wished that you could be with all of your family.

Dear Granny,

Wherever you are now, be happy and never be lonely again. I loved you and will always do.

Me-Time, My Time

The 10 minutes I have every morning is very precious. It is the time where I have a little time to recharge myself: sipping on my coffee, munching on my breakfast and doing some check on my soc-med. 10 minutes seem short, still it is priceless.

After the birth of my son, I learnt to appreciate and accept my time. Especially the "me-times". It is not easy to find some escape from the daily mommy-wifey-teacher time, and if I could have some, even only for 5-10 minutes, it is already heaven.

And sometimes I really have to "escape" in the real word meaning. Try to find some "holes" in the schedule, maybe also to compress some appointment, so that I can have a little time to enjoy my tripple chocolate donut and a cup of cappucinno.

A friend of mine once said: the tips to have a balanced life between work and family is to be good to ourselves. Treat yourself well with good food, relaxing massage, beauty spa, buy some fancy clothes or whatever you think it could do you better. I already did some. It did do me good, but still sometimes the guilty feeling knocks on the conscience. Is it okay to leave my son at home while I have some window shopping in the mall? Is it okay if I sit in a cafe, finally have the time to read my book?

Moreover I think, better to have some short "me-time" and we come  back with new energy and better mood, than give it up and be a cranky mom and evil wife all the time.

Again, life is a choice. Use both your heart and mind while choosing.

Three Simple Words

"There are only three words needed to keep a happy marriage: please, thank you & sorry" ~ Pope Fransiskus

I added: those three words should be also present in every relationship we have in life, not only in a marriage.

Unfortunately, those words are becoming very rare, almost forgotten. Words, that are so simple, that people almost forget.

How many times did you say please to the waiter in restaurant, who served you? How many times did you say thank you to your house assistant for cooking your dinner or washing your laundry? How many times you did you say sorry to your child because you yelled at them?

Three simple words, so simple, that actually we could say them automatically, without losing their meaning.

Three simple words, but shows a lot of appreciation, acceptance & respect.

Three simple words: I am sorry if I am wrong, but please consider this as a reminder to all of us & thank you for your time reading my blog ^_^

Forgive Me for I am a Sinner

It was a long time ago since I had my last Holy confession sacrament (I am not sure if I had called it right). It was during the high school time, for about 20 years ago. Then, it was a obligation for each catholic students to have it since we are in a catholic school. And then, we as teenagers didn't do it properly I think. Just some "routine" sins, such as lie to the parents, cheating during exam and so on would be heard by our priest in the chamber.

Later on, the sacrament was never been done anymore.

The sins I assume, are getting bigger, harder, complexer. It was time, where I thought, it is okay to sin as long as you admit it, you pray to God and ask for forgiveness. It was also time where I somehow enjoyed the sins. That was the time where I thought He is Merciful anyway.

I had disparaged God.

We can't be totally free from sins, but we just can do and be as good as we are. He surely will forgive you, but never overly abundant it.

God never sleeps. God sees everything we do in our life, even what we only think and have in mind, He sees.

Crazy in Love

I am a typical mother, who gives the child relatively a lot of freedom. The freedom I meant is I let my son do what he wants to do. I let him touch, I let him walk, I let him climb, I let him explore.

But my little sunshine is a type of baby, who is afraid of nothing. And I mean: NOTHING at all. He can easily attached to other people, even unknown people. That is why, for us the parents, he needs more attention than any other kids in my environment.

It tears my heart into pieces, when I read or saw a child is being abused, hurt or even die. I can't help myself but imagining that could happen to my son. I  can't imagine a life without him. I totally crazy in love with this little energy bundle. And if I am being welcomed from work by that walking smiling face with his small steps wants to be hugged, it is really a feeling to die for.

And when he is asleep, I always hold his hands. I am afraid, that if I ever let this little hand go, he could be gone. It is absurd, I know. But I just can't help thinking about it. 

Children are just "borrowed" to us. And if we can handle a borrowed book or a borrowed dvd with care, why couldn't we do it with the most precious "borrowed" gift from God?

A Bookworm Diary

I miss reading! And I mean reading real books...

It doesn't mean I didn't read at all... I read blogs, articles, newspaper. But I miss those stacks of books I used to have.

In Germany, they have wonderful public library with thousands of books, any kind of it. You choose! I used to spend my weekends and most of my holiday sitting there, borrow myself stacks and bags of books, magazines, comics. I could sit the whole day without being bored or even think of anything else.

Now, I have to satisfied myself with the amounts of eBooks I've got in my digital library. It is not bad to have a collection this way, but still I miss the smell of new printed paper or old library books. But even those digital literature sitting bravely in the digital shelf, waiting to be read.

It just the time I don't really have now to read peacefully. Sometimes, if I could find a moment to read a page or two, that is already heaven for me.

And the moment, where I read to my son his children books, it is also already enough for me to fulfill my hunger of books.

The Best Job Ever

Everyday is a good day, but sometimes it needs a harder work to like MONDAY.

But I have learnt as a full-time-mother that every day is really the same. It doesn't make any difference, whether it is Monday or Saturday.

I also learnt, every day will be the same if you do the things you have to do with pleasure, joy and passion. And as a mom, what can you say more? You got to do your "job" with pleasure, joy and passion.

A facebook friend once posted, that a full-time-mom is a job that will be paid with love, hugs and kisses.  Another friend posted, being a mom is a superpower.

I said, being a mom gives me another prespectives, new priorities, and a single purpose in life: to keep the brightest and the happiest smile on my baby's face.

What did being a mom make you?

Communicate... And Empathize

One of the subject at the uni I remembered most is communication management. Then, I never thought communication is that important, so people have to extra learnt it as a special subject. We are used to take communciation as it is, take it for granted in our live, just like breathing.

But during the lesson, I realized, that communication really is important. And there is many things you can and must learn to make and have better communication with people around us. There are points, there are even rules to communicate.

One of the most important is the four-sides-models or the four-ears-models. According to this model every message has four facets though not the same emphasis might be put on each. The four sides of the message are fact, self-revealing, relationship, and appeal.
The communication square describes that every communication has a content and a relationship aspect, and that every information contains something about the matter, the sender and the receiver.

If you want to know more here is the link where you can read the detailed information.

The point is, often we have argumentation or even fight with people because of some missunderstanding. That is why we shoul not only use our physical ears to communicate, but also the four-ears-models above.

One more thing that every person also should have in any relationship, is empathy. If we are able to put ourselves in other person's situation, there will be more respect to each other.

Super Sized Us

Today, a facebook friend posted something about being "fat". That "fat" women are identic or always assumed as "ugly" as well.

It is quite sad, that fat people almost have an ugly image. I know some people who are not having the size of a super model, but still they are beautiful in their own way and have highly sex appeal.

Well, for me, fat or skinny, it just doesn't matter. More important is to be and stay healthy. Fat people does not always suffer from any deseases, so is skinny people not always save from any sickness

And no matter fat or skinny, as long as you feel comfortable with yourself, you will show a positive and attractive aura. You will shine from the inside

Simple Past

Meeting someone from the past can either bring the wonderful memories back or maybe give a stab in your heart because the memories were too painful.

Either way, I think it is very important to always keep touch with all people we have met or had relationship with in the past. Assuming, the other person want it too.

I never believe in coincidence. I always believe that everything happened for a reason. So is with meeting all the people in my life. They surely gave me some lessons some good, some bad, but I do learn something.

Either way, don't let the past overcome our present or even future. The past should be left there where it belongs: in the past.

A Teacher's Note

For a teacher, the most important thing is to have motivated students. No need highly intelegence or geniuses or above rate cleverness. Just motivated.

It can make one very happy, if they show interest, ask questions or actively participate in any interaction I offer them. It makes me feel accepted and appreciated.

On the other side, it is very frustated, if you have a passive, apathetic student. They say nothing, do nothing or somehow unwillingly forced doing the things we give them.

Twice a week I experience some lack of motivation because of that sort of student. Clever? She is! But it is really a hard fight to make her do what I say.

But, the ideology of a teacher shouldn't make me give up too easily rite? Or is it the ideology of money?

What would you say?

The Moments

Facebook is turning 10. And I was being the part of it in the half time.

To celebrate, Facebook has given a nice souvenir to all of its user: a 1:20 minutes videos of the best moment from each of us.

To be honest, I had tears in my eyes as I saw my video yesterday. I didn't understand how they made it, but Facebook has really chose the best the most wonderful moments from my life.

Thank you Facebook and hopefully we can share more beautiful moments with you!

Happy Birthday! #facebookIs10

http://lookbackvideo2.ak.fbcdn.net/hvideo-ak-prn2/v/t54/1848817_10203177843109916_33603_n.mp4?oh=27d4b11952c7c3bc3825c85794f9b907&oe=52F50ACB&__gda__=1391788891_eb3b2f2e3e34c349c0c54f16cb79ddb7

Life Is A Choice

In life, sometimes we have to face many choices. That is why setting priority is very important.

I have to cancel a wedding invitation from a good and dear friend. I really feel sad and sorry, and sort of guilty too. But I also know if we push ourselves to come, it will lead to another or maybe a new problem than what we already have now.

Priority means that sometimes we have to disappoint someone - or could be disappointed by someone's decision.

Life is full of choices. And we really should use both heart and mind in making decisions. And whatever your choice is, make sure that it is the right thing for whatever your priority is.

Loving Patiently

Because of my short-tempered image, some of my (old) friends are wondering, how could I become a teacher. And most of all, they wonder, how could I become a mother.

The answer is simple: As soon as you hold that little creature in your arms for the first time, you swear to God, that you will let nothing, absolutely nothing in this world harm him - included yourself.

I must admit, that in some bad days the patience limit is less than in other days. But still, I rather hurt myself than to have that innocent smile gone from that face and disturb that peaceful sleep.